you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
