two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
