i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
