Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
