This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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