what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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