bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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