i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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