I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
