the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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