just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
