I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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