Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
