New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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