is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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