just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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