Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
