Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
