like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
