I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
