so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
