so explain again why im purple
no
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
