Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
