Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
