The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
