the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
