he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
