"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
