Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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