at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
