ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
