Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
