What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
