Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
