anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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