Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
