Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You may now shotgun with the bride
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
