I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
