i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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