i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
