If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
