The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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