The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
