your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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