i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What drink are we having for lunch?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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