where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
