i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
