dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
