i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
