is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
