why didn't you poke me back
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
